Anyway, Since my last Pre-Halloween entry I've had quite the time. I'm back at Holy Cross, which has its pros and cons, clouds and silver linings, whatever you want to call it. I finished up my CD which I wrote incessantly about. I'm not quite sure what to do with it now that I've finished but oh well, at least it's done. I'm taking a break from music right now though and focusing much more on schoolwork and my writing (which I'll talk a little bit more about later).
So, I'm back at school, yep, I am, woohoo, yep, awesome, yep. Frankly, I'm not so sure how I feel about this whole thing. Granted, almost anything is better than being forced into an 8-4 workday situation where the majority of the workforce is uneducated and for the most part remarkably unhappy. But, now that I've been able to wet my feet in the so called "Real World's" waters, I have come to see how childish both the college life and its followers can be (I of course include myself in this assertion). Going to a college where the student population is noticeably smaller than your high school can lead to the occasional aggravation/existential crisis and I find that I've been experiencing a hearty helping of both of these since I've returned.
I've always known that Holy Cross is a cliquey elitist school and that my personality was never a perfect fit, but now that I've had some time away from this place, I can see the differences more clearly than ever. I enjoy being here the majority of the time and I would be making an obscenely unfair generalization if I claimed that I thought that most of my fellow students suck. But, sometimes I just can't stand it. Last night was a perfect example of this:
After partying for a while with some close friends, I decided to head
off campus with a team-mate to go check out a party we had been told
was "wicked sick." We headed off to the house and through a few drunken
interactions various wanderings we lost sight of each other. We weren't
able to reunite and my friend decided just to head back to campus. I,
being fairly loaded and ready to do something cool, took it upon myself
to explore the off-campus scene and try and make something out of this
bust of an evening. I wandered in and out of a few houses, mainly
interested in observing the scene/finding someone cool who I could talk to
and I ended up in some random smelly fire hazard of an apartment filled
with way too many people and way too few personalities. I listened to
conversations between people who just seem to take their lives too damn
seriously. The party seemed to be filled with people who were way too
concerned with who or what they could do. There was a serious lack of
interest in conversation if there is no gain associated with it. The social system here
seems to be that you only talk to someone if you're trying to hook up with them, get beer
from them, or if you want to find out about a new party from them. No one
seems to want to talk for the sake of human interaction, no real interest is
shown in trying to dig deeper and make some kind of a real connection, a connection
rooted in something deeper than the typical shallow niceties of Saturday evenings.
Maybe I just look too deeply into such trivial encounters. But, then again, maybe not. I just
like to think that most people have the same innate want to search for genuine
companions, people who like to have fun, talk, and aren't concerned with
putting up some heavy front in order to hide some stupid inadequacy. I want
to meet people who get The Joke (people who get it don't have to ask what it is)
and sometimes I feel as if that just is not an achievable goal here at the College
of the Holy Cross. So, after I dejectedly shuffled in and out of houses I decided it
was time to call it a night and walk back to my dorm alone and think about what
this night had really been about. I strolled down the streets leisurely and looked at
the stars and watched shallow drunken romances and faux inebriated camaraderies
form on either side of me. To make an even longer story somewhat less long, as
I was walking back feeling worse and worse by the minute I came across someone
who I had never met before and I decided to strike up conversation in some kind of
last ditch effort to maybe salvage the general downer theme of the evening. We
talked about where we're both from and we each mused for a while over the attitude of this College's general populous. It was nice to find someone else interested in talking for the
sake of talking. Made my bunk night just a little bit better.
off campus with a team-mate to go check out a party we had been told
was "wicked sick." We headed off to the house and through a few drunken
interactions various wanderings we lost sight of each other. We weren't
able to reunite and my friend decided just to head back to campus. I,
being fairly loaded and ready to do something cool, took it upon myself
to explore the off-campus scene and try and make something out of this
bust of an evening. I wandered in and out of a few houses, mainly
interested in observing the scene/finding someone cool who I could talk to
and I ended up in some random smelly fire hazard of an apartment filled
with way too many people and way too few personalities. I listened to
conversations between people who just seem to take their lives too damn
seriously. The party seemed to be filled with people who were way too
concerned with who or what they could do. There was a serious lack of
interest in conversation if there is no gain associated with it. The social system here
seems to be that you only talk to someone if you're trying to hook up with them, get beer
from them, or if you want to find out about a new party from them. No one
seems to want to talk for the sake of human interaction, no real interest is
shown in trying to dig deeper and make some kind of a real connection, a connection
rooted in something deeper than the typical shallow niceties of Saturday evenings.
Maybe I just look too deeply into such trivial encounters. But, then again, maybe not. I just
like to think that most people have the same innate want to search for genuine
companions, people who like to have fun, talk, and aren't concerned with
putting up some heavy front in order to hide some stupid inadequacy. I want
to meet people who get The Joke (people who get it don't have to ask what it is)
and sometimes I feel as if that just is not an achievable goal here at the College
of the Holy Cross. So, after I dejectedly shuffled in and out of houses I decided it
was time to call it a night and walk back to my dorm alone and think about what
this night had really been about. I strolled down the streets leisurely and looked at
the stars and watched shallow drunken romances and faux inebriated camaraderies
form on either side of me. To make an even longer story somewhat less long, as
I was walking back feeling worse and worse by the minute I came across someone
who I had never met before and I decided to strike up conversation in some kind of
last ditch effort to maybe salvage the general downer theme of the evening. We
talked about where we're both from and we each mused for a while over the attitude of this College's general populous. It was nice to find someone else interested in talking for the
sake of talking. Made my bunk night just a little bit better.
After re-reading that story, I see that I somewhat deviated from the original purpose of it. Oh well, I suppose that is just the beauty in stream of consciousness online journal entries. The simple fact of the matter is that I have returned to my College as a much different individual than I was when I departed for an extended stay away and I'm not really sure how to handle it. I'm sure I'll be able to get a grip on that sometime soon but for the time being, it's just a strange period of transition.
On another note, two of my best friends and I have decided to actually follow through with something we've always sort of joked about. We are collaboratively writing a screenplay. With what goal in mind? Hopefully to have it be made. Why would we do it? Because we think we've got some pretty good stories to tell and also, we just fucking want to. The inception of this project is not easy. I've never written a screenplay, nor had I read one up until about three weeks ago. We'll see how it goes. Just before I sat down to write this I was making a few edits/changes on our current script. Right now it is at a whopping 31 pages. Exciting, eh? As the project progresses, I hopefully won't slack off as bad as I have been and keep this page somewhat in the now, hopefully updating more frequently.
I suppose that is all I really have to say for this evening, I'm pretty damn tired and I'd like to get some sleep. Stay tuned for updates as I intend to write a little more tomorrow and/or Tuesday.
Grazi.
-Nick
On another note, two of my best friends and I have decided to actually follow through with something we've always sort of joked about. We are collaboratively writing a screenplay. With what goal in mind? Hopefully to have it be made. Why would we do it? Because we think we've got some pretty good stories to tell and also, we just fucking want to. The inception of this project is not easy. I've never written a screenplay, nor had I read one up until about three weeks ago. We'll see how it goes. Just before I sat down to write this I was making a few edits/changes on our current script. Right now it is at a whopping 31 pages. Exciting, eh? As the project progresses, I hopefully won't slack off as bad as I have been and keep this page somewhat in the now, hopefully updating more frequently.
I suppose that is all I really have to say for this evening, I'm pretty damn tired and I'd like to get some sleep. Stay tuned for updates as I intend to write a little more tomorrow and/or Tuesday.
Grazi.
-Nick
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