So....

...Halloween is swiftly approaching, along with my 20th birthday. I remember waaaayyy back when this upcoming week in October was the best thing EVER. A time when the benefits of a birthday and the innumerable pounds of candy would propel my level of personal content to unimaginable heights. Now, the benefits of a birthday and pounds of candy still sound great, but I am much more concerned with "the real world" and frankly, FUCK the "real world." I'm pretty sick of being home by now and it's only late October. I have until mid-January to try to survive here. It isn't all bad though, I've been lucky enough to take advantage of the local music scene as my loyal blog readers would know. In fact, I am slated to record the second half of my songs sometime within the next couple of weeks and I plan to release them along with the "Art School Approach EP" as one larger full length. I'll be posting the lyrics to four of the new songs later in this entry. Woo, you're all so excited, I can tell. Really.

Anyhow, I feel pretty good. These past few months have been rough for me. Granted, thats as much my fault as it is anyone else's. Breakups aren't cool and this one got to me pretty bad. But, I've come to realize the benefits of feeling as hurt, angry, and lost as I did. I can see how the situation has changed me for the better and how now I feel much healthier than I have since before the start of college. For realz. I can see how I acted as an ingrate and child for the past few years. I can see the decisions I made which hurt people who love me and which ended up alienating me from developing and/or continuing relationships which I truly did love looking back on it. It stinks to realize that you've acted like a moron, but at least I know not to act that way again and for that I'm better off.

For a while, I thought a lot of the things that happened weren't my fault at all. Then, for a while I thought everything was my fault. But now, like Goldilocks, I have discovered the perfect balance in my porridge of blame (yes I did just reference Goldilocks, I know, I suck, whatever). I've realized it doesn't effing matter whose fault what was. This is especially true in my past relationship. I kept looking for someone to blame whether it was me or her. But now I know it just doesn't matter. All that matters is that our feelings for each other were real and that I meant just about every single word I ever said to her. In realizing this, I feel like my whole person has been absolved of some incredible weight. Somewhere inside of me I do sort of have the childish wish that all could still be saved between us and we could realize our faults and once again feel the way we did about each other. But, I'm not stupid and the world isn't a fairytale. I think that might just be the woeful artist/writer in me coming out. I hope she's happy, even if it isn't with me and that's something I never thought I'd be able to say and actually mean about someone.

In other news, Im turning 20. Hot damn, 20 years old! I can do absolutely nothing more than I was able to this past year, the only difference being that I will officially be stripped of the title "teenager" which isn't so bad I guess. I'm looking forward much more to spending the weekend at Hampshire College with one of my best friends and partaking in some delightfully costumed debauchery. I'm dressing as the scariest possible thing I could think of for Halloween this year...A MCCAIN SUPPORTER!!! The thought of it chills me to my core.

Anyhow, here are the lyrics to four songs I recently finished writing and intend to record with the next batch in the upcoming week or two. The subject matter is a little different from the last go round, lets see if you can figure out what they're all about. Feel free to ask and keep posted on them here and my Myspace. If you care, that is.

LYRICS:

Just Like Before
and I know it's alright to feel alone
it's alright to try to drown in your own words
and i think that i fell in love again
that i let myself go down that same path

just like before

and i want to make you my own
'cause you don't want to be alone
even though you should
did you feel the way that we touched?
it sent a chill down my bones into my boots

just like before

just a little more time
another word to rhyme
another song to sing about myself
another way to go
just another show
a way to hide how lonely i feel now

just like before

Dreamin'
stop, pass the pipe this way
blow out the smoke that clouds your head all day
lay down the blanket, rest your head on my arm
under the old tree in the back of your yard
and then i wake up.

suddenly woken from my sleep, i snuff out my candle
then, im back in the dream, my eyes scan your frame
stare at shapes in the clouds; that one looks like you
even though it's not true, you kiss me anyway.

breathe, take a look at the scene
"how could this work?"
"only in a dream, under that tree."
maybe we could be more than a dream
a dream within a dream
a dream within a dream

Let it Ride
well, would it be okay if I asked to stay the night?
we'll share your bed and your cozy sheets and hold each other tight
I know that we're just friends but here on such a frigid night
we'll let whatever happens go, I say lets "let it ride"

and these changes
are strange to feel
and these changes
dont seem real
but this is how i cope
so let's let our worries go
get gone.
flyin' in the wind.

I say to you that we should get some coffee on sunday
we could walk and we could talk and waste the day away
I think i know just what I want but I dont want to say
So ill make a move in hoping that you'll feel the same

and these changes
are strange to feel
and these changes
dont seem real
but this is how i cope
so let's let our worries go
get gone.
flyin' in the wind.

In Trees
as we sit and we chat of the times gone past
i reach for a bottle of wine
i ask that you stay with me on the grass
im certain you have more time

here, take a bite of this magical fruit
and in time your mind will see
see the world for itself so easy and free
as we bake in the sun and its shine

so we pass
one more time
'cause we need no place to hide
and we drink
all the wine
and the world, it looks just fine

we can hear all the sounds, we can feel all the noise
of the static that dampens the day
we can rise, we can fall with the highs and the lows
of the tide as it rolls in the bay

if there's a place and a time, there's a will and a way
to make all your troubles be free
so let's find some time and a place in the woods
to admire the beauty in trees

so we pass
one more time
'cause we need no place to hide
and we drink
all the wine
and the world it looks just fine

yes, the world it looks just fine.




Thanks for reading all of this, stay posted and keep on smiling.

P, B.

I really really really fucking hate...

when i can't fall asleep and I don't know what to do so i fiddle around with a guitar, write some words, discard the words, put the guitar down, read a little bit, and then resort to updating a blog which i haven't touched in way too many weeks.

Im feeling a nice long entry coming up after this Holiday weekend in which I will get to see all of my delightful chums and compadres.

Ummm....3 quick things before i peace out.

-Rage Against the Latrine...lolz Weiner
-Literate Citizens...pomo hip-hop fur shiz
-The new Dungen Album...utterly amazing

Bye Now.

It's Done!

The EP is finished, it is five tracks long and is titled, "Art School Approach"


Here are the lyrics listed in the order in which they can be heard on the EP:


Monolith

Just because you can read and write and do a little math, that doesnt mean you deserve to conquer the Universe.



Nihilist
Im not telling you how I feel
You don’t need to know anyhow
I guess maybe Im just better off alone
Im gonna walk the streets at night
Take a shot and start a fight
Fuck you, I don’t care at all
The Walls, they tumble down
I need to find some peace of mind
Brown hair with a nice behind
Tell some lies and bring her back to the room
How can you judge what I do
Don’t you dare judge what I say
What do I care? Ill go do it anyway
The Walls, they tumble down
I don’t want your politics
I hate it all, don’t give me that
You know, you’re just a piece of shit
I’ve had my fill of happy songs
I can’t stand fucking sing-alongs
Get away
The Walls, they tumble down


Metaphor
Thunder cracks on the boat, then it rocks and we’re sinking
A wooded masterpiece stabbed in the heart and it’s bleeding
The pitch black sky of a moonless night, my heart...is beating
But I know everything will be alright
We get tossed from the starboard side and the ocean is freezing
I see fins in the distance, closer and closer they’re circling
Fisherman scream, harpoons and lances flying
No stars in the sky on this deadly night, but you’re here with me
So I know everything will be alright
Yes, I know everything will be alright


You
Well I opened up the door, walked into the room
saw a sea of faces looking every way
And I saw a pair of eyes as blue as the summer sky
and I said, "Baby would you please come my way?"
But I have to watch what I say to you
‘Cause I might lose my cool over you
I knew right from the start, the ending would be hard
but I pushed, I pulled, I tried anyway
I never told you lies, always had a surprise
and I still think about you everyday
But I have to watch what I say about you
‘Cause I might lose my cool over you
You said we should meet up and then gave me a hug
And we stayed up all night watching stupid shows
Tell me, what do you want? ‘Cause I won’t ever stop
and if you don’t tell me, I can never know
But I have to watch what I say around you
‘Cause I might lose my cool over you




Adjudication
Now Im back with more fury
Don’t move, why you in a hurry?
Don’t you think I wouldn’t find out
Yes I know what the gossip’s about
Don’t walk away
From the things I have to say
Don’t run away
From the things you kept from me
Where’d you go last night?
Im no trying to pick a fight
I just want the truth
Now girl, its your move
Don’t walk away
From the things I have to say
Don’t run away
From the things I have to say

So, those are the words to the EP. If anyone would like a copy of it, theyre free so contact me somehow and ill be sure to get one to you. I dropped off a bunch of them at various locations throughout New Bedford and Newbury Comics. When I gave the demo to the people at Newbury, they offered me a position to play at their 30th birthday party on Saturday September 13th at the N. Dartmouth location, I accepted and Im very excited to perform. The set begins at 7:00 pm if anyone is interested in coming to watch. There will be other bands playing as well, hopefully itll be a fun time.

I just finished recording a song I wrote three nights ago at about 1:30 in the morning. Its not the same quality as my demo obviously, I recorded it in my bedroom and used very very minimal mastering. Frankly, I think my voice kind of sounds like shit on the track, I can blame that on my stuffy nose or my complete lack of a good vocal mic. Either way, I think it's a nice track and the lyrics are pretty damn emo which usually is not my M.O. I posted it on my music myspace, www.myspace.com/nickeljam. Everyone should check that out along with the few other tracks I have posted from the Art School Approach Demo.

By the way, I still have not heard from "yousuckalot" but thats okay. It just confirms my suspicion that they are a spineless immature rat.

Expect some more frequent entries here, Ive been slacking lately and for that I apologize.

Adieu.

It's been a while...

This post goes out to the person who commented on my last blog entry. Their handle was "yousuckalot" here is what they said:



"You are repulsively arrogant. I wonder if you realize this at all. The people who admire or respect you are too dumb to realize how manipulative you can be.

But I can tell.

I hope you can change."


I would like to ask whoever wrote this comment to contact me via my phone (if you have my number) or on AIM at Rockmusic369. I am not angry at this post, nor do i want to cuss you out and call you names. If I come as arrogant or if you truly believe that about me, I would like to know why and I am asking you to help me change that about myself. I wouldn't even want to know who you are. All I ask is that you tell me if you know me on a personal basis, and that you talk with me about why you feel this way. It's a disappointing thing to here and that is not how I want to appear to anybody because that is not who I am. So, if you do read this as well please email me at nick.leblanc@ymail.com and/or call me and/or IM me. I would appreciate it, seriously.

On another note, it has been a while since I last posted and I figure I may as well do a little writing. I just got a job working with the developmentally disabled at CCI in Fairhaven. I'm very excited to start working there, I think it will be a great experience to work with those who are less fortunate. A few of the clients there are autistic and I really hope to spend some time with them and try to learn about their afflictions. I will be working there until I return to Holy Cross for the Spring Semester, exciting stuff.

I just finished recording four out of about six tracks for my upcoming musical release entitled, "Art School Approach EP" They still need to be mastered and some finishing touches need to be added but Im very happy with the quality.

That's about all I have to say for now though. Yousuckalot, I would really appreciate if you contacted me and we could have a conversation, no jokes or hidden intentions here, I just would like to talk. I'm sorry to anyone else who has seen me as an arrogant and brash dickhead, I don't want to be seen that way and I hope youd take the time to get to know me before passing judgment.

Lataaaa Kiddddd.

Why I'm Cooler Than You

Hello, Goodbye, Hello Again. That's that. And so on. Now I'm here and what's next? I have no idea. It has been a weird summer, in terms of a good/bad or fun/shitty ratio Id say the latter of both categories is slightly higher. Ive learned a lot though, I feel smarter, I feel brighter, I feel wittier, I feel more self aware-er, I just feel all around better-er about most things. I've rediscovered comic books for instance. Though, Ive been trying to avoid the geeky social stigma which surrounds them by referring to them as "graphic novels" and/or continually reminding myself that literary critics have awarded them some pretty prestigious honors. Who am I kidding? It's a comic book. Next thing you know I'll be defending World of Warcraft as being a landmark in role playing games and a great way to use the internet as a new medium for developing a community-based environment. Mind you dear readers, if I ever reach that level of social retardation/geeklihood please come find me and repeatedly place your fist forcefully and directly on my face until I concede that I have completely lost my will to live. Seriously.

Besides rediscovering dorky childhood practices, Ive become much more prolific in my song-writing, reading (not only comics), and writing. I suppose this can be seen from a few of my past entries. Speaking of which, the tone of my entries is going to be much more pleasant and less depressing/melodramatic. Im making a conscious effort to not feel as insane as I have for the past month and a half. I promise.

I recently saw the movie Repo Man on ONDemand. Let me tell you, that was the single most insane film I have ever witnessed. I highly suggest it to any shitty film connoisseur or cult movie maniac. It's definitely unique, it involves a repossession agency that hires Emilio Estevez and leads to an alien conspiracy involving a government agent who bares a striking resemblance to Isaac Asimov and a car which flies and looks like it was dumped in four tons of highlighter ink. Yeah, its pretty ill.

Continuing with the theme of dork-dom, I went to Lazer Gate on Friday with an old friend. I met some new kids and saw some others who I had met before but had the sincere pleasure of hanging out with again. It was a really fun night. Lazer Gate if mighty intense for those of who who haven't experienced it or have forgotten. I certainly would like to go again, especially with the femmes/dudes who I went into battle with this past Friday.

In other news, I was given the opportunity to work as a security guard for Nike from late Sunday night to early Monday morning. I will be staking watch over 10,000 pounds of Nike Equipment at an undisclosed location. Stay the fuck away because they gave me a gun and a license to kill...no joke. Supposedly it's the same gun that they gave to Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, and Adam Nelson. That would seem to explain why Nike sponsored athletes always seem to win everything.

Well, it's 12:24 AM and today has effectively turned into tomorrow, Saturday has become Sunday. I had a very busy Saturday night, you should all be jealous. I came home from the CoUNTry Club soaking wet after being hit by what seemed to be the Storm of the Century, I read some of a comic book, I went and did work for my summer class, I came back home and continued working, then I started blogging this and updating my Music Myspace. Now, after I finish writing this I will be reading some more of a graphic novel and resting my weary head to sleep while I hope and pray (well, not pray) that my summer will take a turn for the better. I think it may be starting to finally, granted it is almost over. I bet you're all jealous of how cool my night was. It shows how sweet of a brah I actually am. Like wow, I'm so cool. Like seriously, I think I might be the dopest dude in the world. Like no one could be cooler at all. Like even dry ice doesn't stand a chance against my coolness.

I know that you're saying, "Shut the hell up you comic reading, blog writing, lazer tagging, haiku poeming, nerfherdingassholedickheadedretardedfuckingsnotrocketing dork." Well, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will make me jump off the Braga Bridge. So remember that dear readers.

By the way, I was kidding about the Nike Gun. If you do come to rob me though, I hope you know that would be like THE biggest dickhead move of all time.

But now, I must make like a tree and bounce. Aloha.

New Song Lyrics, Etc.

So, I have finally made plans to record a real EP. It will be about three or four songs long and will hopefully be of studio quality (much unlike my other recordings which all have that bedroom-studio feel). The set of lyrics I posted about a week ago will be a part of the record as well as the lyrics you're about to read. Here they are:

Im a Monster (or Me, You, I)
Dont shut your eyes and act like you can't understand
Wipe that shit from your grin, this aint over yet
What made you think that I had gone for good?
Now shes gone and I came back, just like you knew i would

Give me beer, give me food, give me a nice fat cigar
Give me a cheerleader named Sue and the back of my car
Reading, Writing, 'Rithmetic, its all so lame
And what makes us so damn different if we're all the same?

Cause Im a free-wheeling mother out looking for fun
And you know Ill keep it rocking til the morning come
Just open up your eyes and it's easy to see
That the monster inside of you, it's me.
Im gonna drink, Im gonna fart, Im gonna pick my nose
Im gonna check out fine ladies from their head to their toes
What else could you want or expect me to do?
When that monster inside of me, it's you.

Im a Monster!

This song is about someone dealing with the aftermath of a breakup. Its spoken as if in each person there are two entities, one a nihilistic self indulgent "monster" and the other a good-natured and healthy person who in this case is depressed because of the recent breakup. This is written from the negative side, which I suppose is pretty apparent.

Ive been writing alot of songs lately, Im really excited to arrange and record them. Anyone who may read this should keep their ears and eyes peeled for updates on my music myspace and here regarding the creation of the EP. Peace.

Animal Symbolism

That is a picture of a Praying Mantis. The Mantis is a species which takes up residence in various temperate and tropical habitats throughout the world. It is thought to be indigenous to the Asiatic region. They are endangered/threatened in a few of their habitats. In my life before this past week, I had seen only one Praying Mantis and that was a dead one outside of a little league baseball field. In the span of two days, I have seen four separate Praying Mantises.

Considering this odd coincidence, I have decided to look up the symbolism regarding these creepy little things. I found some of what I found to be appropriate for my current situation, though I am no steadfast dedicatee to that realm of belief. Here is a few selections of what I have found:

One article referred to the Mantis as a symbol of deity:

-The praying mantis is the oldest symbol of God: the African Bushman’s manifestation of God come to Earth, “the voice of the infinite in the small,”* a divine messenger. When one is seen, diviners try to determine the current message. In this culture they are also associated with restoring life into the dead. “Mantis” is the Greek word for “prophet” or “seer,” a being with spiritual or mystical powers. The praying mantis shows the way. In the Arabic and Turkish cultures a mantis points pilgrims to Mecca, the holiest site in the Islamic world. In Africa it helps find lost sheep and goats. In France, it's believed that if you are lost the mantis points the way home. "Follow Mantis" means putting that core aspect of yourself, your foundation of Spirit, at the helm and let it direct your intellect and ultimately your life.-

Another article (the one I found more reasonable and situationally appropriate) regarded the Mantis as a sign of stillness and meditation:

-The mantis comes to us when we need peace, quiet and calm in our lives. Usually the mantis makes an appearance when we've flooded our lives with so much business, activity, or chaos that we can no longer hear the still small voice within us because of the external din we've created. Overwhelmingly in most cultures the mantis is a symbol of stillness. As such, she is an ambassador from the animal kingdom giving testimony to the benefits of meditation, and calming our minds. An appearance from the mantis is a message to be still, go within, meditate, get quite and reach a place of calm. It may also a sign for you to be more mindful of the choices you are making and confirm that these choices are congruent.-

Along with the odd number of Praying Mantises, on the way home from the Galleria Mall I spotted a wild turkey in the middle of the road and both on the way to and from New York I saw a deer in the middle of a highway. In fact, one ran right across the road in front of the car I was traveling in.

Turkeys, according to a "Power Animals" website apparently represent:

-Shared blessings and harvest. Another name for the turkey is earth eagle. Turkey is about combining spirituality and the blessings the earth gives us, harvesting and using them to make your life better.

Just because I read this little blurb describing the symbolism of turkeys, I will forever refer to these delicious birds as Earth Eagles. I am already looking forward to November when I can explain to my Grandmother (after she has had a few glasses of wine) that she is in fact eating the Eagle of the Earth. Her response will undoubtedly be, "Oh Nicholas!"

Deer, according to the same "Power Animals" site symbolize:
"gentleness and unconditional love. The power of Deer medicine is that of unconditional love. Only love, both for ourselves and for others, can dissolve the barriers which prevent us from realizing wholeness. Be gentle with others and self."
Again, this animal symbol is rather situationally appropriate. What the hell, why is my life a novel full of animal imagery? Why couldn't I be living in some pulp fiction novel or a Harry Potter book or maybe even a good spy thriller?

Continuing with the theme of animal symbolism, I had a rather creepy and vivid dream during a mid-day nap a few weeks ago. In it, I was at a grill with a gaggle of individuals surrounding me and I was cooking lobster heads. The lobster heads were not cooked through yet so someone suggested that I turn the heat up to "sear", so I heeded their advice and did it. As the heat rose, the lobster heads began to shudder and out from inside of them poured hundreds of cockroaches. They started to fly around and crawl all over everyone who was standing around the grill and people including myself started to scream. Thankfully, that is all that I am able to remember.

Do I really believe in Animal Symbolism? Not especially, I just believe it can be nice to feel as if something is out of our control for once and can rely in the hands of something as strange as an Earth Eagle or as creepy as a praying mantis. Sometimes it's just nice to believe that your life or well being is in the hands of an omniscient, non-personified being. That can be an especially nice feeling for someone like myself who does not have much of a theological faith (or a complete lack of faith, it usually depends on the day).

Another day passes, another entry is written. I leave with a quote:

"Real gangsta-ass niggaz don't flex nuts Cuz real gangsta-ass niggaz know they got em And everythings cool in the mind of a gangsta Cuz gangsta-ass niggas think deep Up three-sixty-five a year 24/7 Cuz real gangsta ass niggaz don't sleep"

-Geto Boys




-

New Song Ideas/Plans

I got around to retrieving the notebook out of good ole Black Beauty which contained a few different sets of lyrics including the ones I spoke of. I re-read the lyrics to the song about ignorance and then read another set of lyrics which I had written a few days prior to that about the splitting up of my girlfriend and I. After a bit of brain-wracking I decided to combine parts of the two songs together.

So now I have a combination of two songs. The first song, which I use a piece of in the final verse is the one about how enticing living in ignorance is. The other is written about not knowing what to say to someone after they've broken up with you and the subsequent feeling of helplessness (which applies when you don't agree with the other person's decision to end it). In combining these two I have created a song which to me represents how nice it would be to lead an ignorant and thoughtless existence, this thought being fueled by the pain that is caused when you know you can't fix a relationship if someone else doesn't want to. It's a bit of a convoluted twist on the old, "Woe is me, I love her, she doesnt me, I wish I could forget about it, but I cant so I wrote a song." Enjoy:

I don't know quite the right words to say
So, I wrote you this song today
I cant help the way I feel
I feel it still...
I feel it still.

I woke up and it don't feel right
Pull the sheets up to hide the light
"Where is the faith?" "Where went the bond?"
I know I was wrong
It's why I wrote you this song.

I'm so tongue-tied
I'm twisted, out of line.

Sometimes I wish I was stupid.
Other times I wish I was dumb.
Some days I wish I was older,
other days I wish I was young.

It should be a really good one, sort of long with a bit of a crescendo. I plan on there being two acoustic tracks, a clean electric and two or three distorted electrics, all five or six of them downtuned a half step. Maybe some organ and bass will be put in there and definitely a drums/percussion track.

I have yet to title the song, Ive always hated coming up with names for songs (especially ones with a more serious or meaningful tone). Maybe Ill just start naming the songs with numbers, that would be a new, fresh idea.

Well, If anyone has a title suggestion or thoughts let me know, leave a comment, shoot an email, send an IM, give a call, whatever.

Numero Dos

I hate to be one of those bloggers who relies on the quotes of famous intellectuals in order to relay his/her ideas more effectively but....

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."

That quote is by Aldous Huxley, yes it is the same Aldous Huxley who authored the quote in my previous entry. Stop judging me, I can tell you're judging me. Just because I have two quotes from the same man in two consecutive web log entries, that DOESN'T MAKE ME A BAD PERSON. So, stop judging you heartless judging bastard people judgers, thats right, I mean YOU.

Anyhow, that quote leads me to believe that Huxley may have been a musician. The reason I deduce this is because whenever I am in a state of emotional duress (i.e. this past week) I reach for my guitar and I play. Usually I don't amass much more than one or two decent chord progressions and/or melodies, but it always feels like an anvil is being lifted off of my heart with every pluck of a string, depression of a key, or smashing of a drum. This feeling of relief applies to any emotional state: happiness :-), sadness :-(, anger>:-0, surprise 8-0, or whatever. I always seem to feel some sort of burden magically getting pulled away, as if I'm reaching toward the so called "unbearable lightness of being" every time I play my music.

With all of that being said, I have surprised myself with how much success has come from playing as of late. The typical one or two melodies is an atypical become eight or nine and shockingly I have managed to write a series of lyrics which I actually like. Granted, the lyrics are a bit sappy/cliched but, I think they're honest and that's the most I could ask of myself.

I wrote one set of lyrics today as I sat in my History of Urban America Summer Session Class. We were watching a video about the fall of Cape Verdean dominance in the New Bedford/Fall River/Providence area during the period of urban renewal, a time in which supposed helpful and necessary changes to city trafficking were violently disrupting or even completely obliterating richly populated ethnic communities. The lyrics I had started writing quickly turned into a poem of rhyming couplets about the destructive qualities of trying to escape one's demons by a self-propelled translocation, a.k,a running away from your problems by moving far far away. Id post the whole of the poem here now, but the notebook is in my car and at 1:15 AM I do not have the motivation necessary to go retrieve it. After I finished writing that song turned poem I doodled for a bit. I looked at my professor's metal bracelet on his right hand and tried to recreate the design on it in my notebook. I failed miserably and turned the squiggly line into a G-Clef and drew five staff lines next to it. Needless to say, I was quite disengaged by the film.

After I finished my sketching, I allowed the strong current of my stream of consciousness to carry me around for a bit until I crash landed on a phrase which I had said a few days earlier, "I wish I was stupid." As superficial as this statement may seem, it struck a chord with me and before I knew it I had written a song about the bliss of ignorance and how nice it must feel to be able to live within it's grasp. Again, I would post the lyrics here but they are in my Urban America notebook along with the aforementioned poem. As soon as I can figure out how to record some drums I will finish writing that song and post it on my Music Myspace for everyone to hear. But, that may be a while so maybe Ill put the lyrics up here, maybe not. I don't really care either way and I'm sure you readers don't either.

And so another day passes, and another entry is written.

I will end this post now with a Haiku:

The patter of keys
My eyes are feeling heavy
a Dream World awaits.


P.S.
Haiku Poetry is for dolts...and the Japanese.

P.S.S.
I'm not implying the Japanese are dolts, but rather that those who write Haiku are dolts whether they are of the Orient or not. In that case though, am I calling myself a dolt for writing a Haiku? I suppose not if I wrote it as a satire to begin with. But objectively speaking, if I met someone who wrote satires of Haiku just for personal pleasure I would probably call them an even larger dolt than the person who writes Haiku for the beauty of poetry. Whatever, I suck, Goodnight.

P.S.S.S.
Dolt. I had to say it again.

10 Minute Text

So, I figured I'd kick off my foray into web logging with a writing exercise. I set a timer for ten minutes and I write down anything that enters my stream of consciousness regardless of relevance, grammar, and/or appropriateness. Starting the timer now:

The rocks really dug into my butt, but it was worth it. It was a really nice night, almost three hours talking, felt like less time. I think about you way too much. I wish you'd try like I will. What would love be without wishful thinking? I can never finish writing anything. I can never start writing anything. Maybe this time will be different, I hope so. Tomorrow I'll write a full song. I need to do more work and reading for class. I texted her in class today, wasn't fun. I feel sick about it all, why can't it be the same--how does love just fade? I wonder if my keyboard would sound good if i fed it through my amp, maybe i could distort the organ, that would give a nice effect to the songs, more raw, more real. my lyrics need to be more concise, less verbose, read more of rivers' lyrics. full of cliche but so goddam correct. My frappe was mediocre, all the mint chips sank to the bottom. The gym was fun today, I want to work out more often, maybe ill go tomorrow before class, maybe not. It all depends on sleep I suppose. I hope I dont have anymore armageddon or cockroach-lobster dreams. What would love be without wishful thinking? You told me to do this. I want to get a coffee tomorrow before class. Santow's voice is perfect for oration. I want to fall asleep in those comfortable lean-back chairs in that dark room with the AC. I wrote lyrics yesterday, they were weak. I never like lyrics. Vocal training? I heard something rustling the cup underneath the rocks, I wonder if it was a rat. I remember the rat at Fort Phoenix, it was huge, it looked like a dog. What would love be without wishful thinking?

And just like that, ten minutes of my life have passed by. I do feel a little better now that I've written all of that down, though what does that really mean? I doubt this will be a highly trafficked web log, in fact I've always found blogs somewhat vain. Who cares about what you (I) have to say? Why do you (I) feel the need to share it with the whole of the interweb? I do not have the answer to these questions quite yet, but I can say it felt good to write what little I have and to experiment with the Ten Minute Text exercise. My dear readers should expect more of those to come. I'll leave with a thought:

"By it's very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies--all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes."
-Aldous Huxley, "The Doors of Perception"circa 1954